-
Old Thing Really Heavy
-
Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate
-
Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time
-
Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man
-
Study: Majority Of Nation’s Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings
-
Wedding Ring Jammed Into Slot Machine
-
Chess Onlooker Sees A Move You Can Do
-
Amazing Psychic Bends Truth With Mind
-
Independent Bookstore Acquires Cat
-
Play Within A Play Also Boring
-
Father Points Out Rhode Island License Plate
-
Rest Of Waiting Room Getting Blurrier, Harder To Make Out
-
Fourth Slice Of Pizza Consumed Without Facial Expression
-
Autistic Husband Gifted Label Maker
-
Badly Cast Political Ad Features Bus Driver, Construction Worker, Bus Driver, Bus Driver, Bus Driver
-
Fat Suit Stops Bullet
-
Whoop Big
-
Ejaculation Dodged
-
Lesbian Softball Team Brings In 4’9” Ringer
-
Better Looking Couple In Commercial Uses Correct Phone Company
-
Rockstar Leaks Worsen As Hackers Release Fully Playable Copy Of ‘GTA IX’
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Sending the publisher scrambling to protect trade secrets related to the hotly anticipated project, leaks from Rockstar Games worsened…
Recent Videos
The Onion: Sending Emails For Over A Hundred Years.
Get All The Latest Headlines By Email, Once A Day.
In Other News
-
Tim Cook Unveils Rows Of Artificial Wombs After Announcing Apple Will Begin Manufacturing Own Employees In House
CUPERTINO, CA—Touting the innovation as the next step in developing the workplace of the future, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled…
Politics
-
Dept. Of Interior Sets Aside 2.3 Million Acres For Future Trumps To Enjoy
WASHINGTON—Calling the act a forward-looking attempt to preserve the nation’s most precious natural treasures for the president’s descendants, the Department…
Local
-
Dark Horse Emerges In Competition For Most Insane Coworker
MARIETTA, GA—After the employee surfaced from out of nowhere to contend with lunatics once thought untouchable, sources at Horizon Insurance…