How to ask your mentors for help

Sounds like you could work out a software algorithm for this! But you should keep in touch. People's views and philosophies change over time.

I have a couple mentors that I’ve never met. Depending what I’m working on I’ll ask “What would _______ do?”

It is amazing what we can discover when we actually sit with something and think it through, and at least attempt to consider multiple angles.

I will say though, there is something beautiful and messy that happens when two or three humans actually interact. These mentors, even the one who doesn't know you exist, are missing out on the opportunity to get messy and beautiful with you.

This is great stuff, Derek. I often think through a challenge or idea from the perspective of someone who I admire and respect to help me see what I don't yet see as well!

3 mentors - me, myself and I.

“I’m going to stop thinking things through twice and just take my own advice”. Coincidently these are part of the lyric to a song I’m working on they came to me yesterday as it happens...

It's funny how I've done this with you.

A couple of years ago I asked you for advice without trying to find the answers first. You kindly replied.

After that first time, I started trying to get to your answers before sending you the messages, and the truth is that you helped me many more times without the need of me bothering you.

And on another couple of situations, you gave me the answers for questions I not even knew I had!

You play a special role in my life, good things have happened to me because of what I learn from you, I thank you for that.

This is a valid process but it's only a good start.

Remember, a mentor is a mentor for a reason. If you fail to avail yourself of their input then you as the mentee have not fulfilled your role. In addition, not doing so only gives you your own thoughts, ideas and perspectives on a given issue. You don't know for certain that the mentor's response will be what you have inferred. Their experience set may vary significantly from your own.

Ignoring the advice of others more learned is likely folly. How much more to ignore immersing yourself in their knowledge + experience?

A mentor who doesn't know you exist is instead just someone you have read about. Not a mentor. A mentor comes with active guidance.

Darrell

(You’re my mentor)

I love you Derek, but this is dangerous advice that needs to be weighed against the personality of the person heeding it.

I can count on one hand how many times I have reached out to my mentors, and each time, it was after working myself into a frenzied sort of depression. Exhausted from trying to find answers online. Exhausted from contemplating. Feeling so disconnected from the world and any "answers" that I was on the verge of suicide.

I've kept every one of their replies despite half a dozen email client and hosting changes. Painstakingly dragging them across for perpetuity. These were emails that saved my life... literally... and the mentors who replied didn't even know I was suicidal. All they did was treat me with the kindness that I was incapable of showing myself and ask me simple questions to get me back on the right path.

I think in general, the world needs to stop treating everyone like they are needy and therefore burdens. We're a social species and isolating to the point of deteriorated mental health for fear of "wasting someone's time," is a very real threat for many people.

Incidentally, I knew what this post was going to say before I even clicked the link. Does that mean I shouldn't post my opposing view here?

Excellent article. Reminds me of a process I did years ago when I did the Silva Method Of Mind Control in my "Hippy Days". A nice reminder that answers are often waiting inside of us and only need a little bit of seeing the world from someone elses perspective to realise them. Thanks again for a thought provoking article that encourages independent thinking and stops us constantly looking for solutions from someone else. This concept works particularly well for those of us who prefer minimal interaction with others. Not necessarily introverted, just very particular who I ask for advice!

This is not exactly regarding mentors, but rather sponsors. It might however help to fund your projects:

I did a video shoot recently with 43 extras in a location we had to rent. I went around asking small businesses, mostly from people I know personally, if they'd be willing to sponsor 50.00 or 100.00 bux. Their business names, logo, and web address would be postet in the credits at the end of the film.

Most said yes and some even said I'll give you 200.00 or 300.00, very unexpected and nice!

So my tip: Don't go asking big companies for big money. Rather ask small companies for a small amount. You'll probably have many sponsors, but you'll get the money you need to fund your project together.

We did ☺

Hope this helps.

In software, that's known as "rubber duck debugging" (from "The Pragmatic Programmer").

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging

Yes! I loved that book and often tell people of this idea, too. — Derek

Resist the need to outsource decisions and trust the inner self—The answer always lie within.

You see how silly some questions were after you begin to realize this.

Love these posts.

Thanks Derek! The silent member Sounds a little like Napoleon Hills imaginary roundtable of historical leaders he would confer with from time to time!
Yes! I think of that often, too. — Derek

I think the real magic of this (which you illustrated so beautifully) is how putting some problem, that had previously only lived in our heads, into written words can change the way we look at it, think about it, see it. This is a lovely template for that process.

I love this! It reads like a bar joke, and it turns out to be really profound!

Love this!
Should have know that it would have a twist.

Maybe some sort of dumb question/sharing effect. Both on the side of sharing (possibly engaging a mirror neuron type thing)then regretting it when the answer immediately becomes obvious and also on the receiver end -getting death by 1000 cuts when everyone has the same "original feeling" question.

Hi Derek,

I refer to these people as invisible mentors. They’re unique leaders you can learn from by observing them from a distance. Many people we admire we know a lot about them and can anticipate how they might respond to an issue.

[insert]

You ARE one of my mentors, who don't know me. ^^ Thank YOU for your amazing inspiration!

Beautiful

I have this kind of non-relationship with some people, but I think you may lose the real feedback. In your entire process, all ideas come from you and what you think they can answer.
Probably, they answer something different or a new idea that expands your thoughts.
Or, you wrote that to avoid some emails politely.

I consider you as my mentor and I’ve tried the method you mentioned. So, apart from sending you a update about myself occasionally. I don’t bother you with my problem and just want to take time here to thank you!

Just writing down the problem and alternatives makes you understand it better and helps you solve it more effectively. This is similar to The Feynman Technique - To understand a difficult topic, teach it to somebody (possibly imaginary!)

Laughed out loud. I did that same thing last week: Started the email, rewrote it, answered the question they'd have, realized what I needed to do, and deleted the email. Glad I'm not the only one! :)

Thank you for the article, and continued inspiration.

Namaste...., ja

Sounds like a great practice. Thanks for sharing your process with us all out here in the wide world.

I had two mentors. One imposed a mentorship on me. From the other, I stole a mentorship. To ask for help was to break the agreement of the mentorship. Nevertheless, I did ask help from the man from whom I was stealing a mentorship. He refused. His sweet wife, however, insisted that he help me. So, he did. And that way he understood that I had stolen all and nothing from him. He is angry with me because I wrote a paper about his work and read it at a literary conference last year. He is terrible at email. I will write him a letter of thanks, thanks to your suggestion in this article. The imposing mentor dropped dead suddenly in 2007. Ten days earlier we had argued over literary and cultural matters as usual. I bid him farewell by telling him how much I had enjoyed my visit. "Fine, Lloyd," he said. "That's fine." And it was!

Great

This post is awesome! From a totally different side and yet so true. I absolutely love it.
Thank you for sharing and inspiring me Mr. Sivers!

This is a wonderful idea:

I might email to thank them for their continued inspiration.

Thank you

Brilliant and efficient!

Sometimes I will ask someone for help, and when I describe the issue clearly, I often come up with the solution at that point before the person shares their response. This happens a lot with programming problems.

I like your approach. I am going to try it.

Have you thought about sharing your mystery mentor's identity with us? Inquiring minds want to know. ☺

Seems you got that in a very unique perspective.
It happens to me, yet few times I send that email or make that call.
There is always an added value and sometimes in the form of a story.

Thank you again for this insightful article, as I will keep it in my mind and practice it more often.

That was a really inspirational read! Thanks for sharing! I definitely want to apply this method to my life! It makes so much sense and is so simple. While I was reading, I thought to myself: but I don’t really have an “official” mentor! And that’s when you revealed that your mentors don’t know that they are your mentors and even don’t know about you. So my dilemma was immediately solved! Loved it!

Ha ha this is so good! Now to find the time to actually sit down and do this!

This was an interesting reading experience to read. I use the phrase advisedly.

First of all, reading your email, I responded to the idea of asking for help. I do know a lot of potential mentors in my industry and I tend not to reach out.But I often feel stuck as to what to do next to really move the needle.

So it seemed like a good idea (by the way, I'm no expert, but I guess there is in an embedded command in "how to ask your mentors for help" - the implication is "ask your mentors for help").

Anyway, I guess that's what got me to click through to the article.

Secondly, reading the article was of course thought-provoking, as I'm sure you intended it to be. The act of writing things out does indeed help a lot. The Socratic Dialogue internalised as it were.

Thirdly though, the responses have been very interesting.

Which brings me to my personal synthesis of what I've read:
The article itself is very valid and it is indeed an excellent and underused habit to reach within for answers.

That said, your commenters made equally valid points.

And here's my ultimate Proof of why they are also right:
The interaction between what you said and your more critical readers' responses created a richer, more thought-provoking answer to the whole question of why and how we can use mentors (or think for ourselves) than your article would on its own.

In the end, while I've never experienced suicidal thoughts, and don't endorse everything, I do agree with "Tylean's" commment that "We're a social species". That is biologically hard to refute. We're higher-order primates. We need tribes; we're territorial; we value status.

Like it or lump it, in the end, it's hard to avoid the power of interaction human-to-human.

Whether that be a mentor, a peer or a "follower", they have a tendency to make our brains spark up in a way that solitary contemplation won't.

I want to say one final simple thing though:
There is an implicit assumption in the article and in the responses that we are dealing with an "EITHER/OR" scenario. Either mentors should be contacted; OR we should think for ourselves.

I prefer what Jim Collins (And indeed Tim Ferriss) call "BOTH/AND" thinking.
Why not BOTH think really hard for yourself - AND reach out to super smart people in your industry or who you just value as clear thinkers or compassionate humans?

I'm just saying.
Thanks for provoking thought, as ever.

I love the concept of writing out your prediction of what your mentor's answer may be. I can see clearly now how that part helps your original ask to be 'double thought through' but also to learn more about the types of replies you may end up getting (when and if you check back).

As a mentor I now make it my goal to receive more notes thanking me for things I never discussed with my mentees.....

thanks for that tip, I am stealing it with pride.

As Thomas stated below, "It is amazing what we can discover when we actually sit with something and think it through, and at least attempt to consider multiple angles."

Looks like you have found the appropriate answer to the mentors need:

Whats the issue?
What do you think the answer is?
And after you answer this why do you still need to talk with me?

Sounds like me asking a question on StackOverflow! ☺

There's something to be said about putting the locus of control in you, taking some perspective and, more generally, being self-reliant. Might be a bit of a loner thing… but it clearly gives you more power over yourself than the average person.

Nice one! Good point and it also happens in my life. Either in writing or in just thinking process :)

You are wicked smart AND funny.... My husband and I STILL make reference every week to “the second man in...”

Thank for your brilliance and observations laid out always in an entertaining way 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🎶🙌🏽😁

Aren't you missing out on some potentially helpful or new feedback by answering for them? It becomes self mentorship (?) then and excludes them from the opportunity to learn/practice applying their philosphy to different situations.

It makes sense to not allow ourselves to shoot off pleas for help everytime we get a challenge as well I guess. This is a useful technique I am keen to practice. It can be applied to a few different circumstances as well.

Brilliant! This is a cure for me. Unfortunately I have had times when I am attempting to take the lazy route to solving a problem. “Call so and so” I say. No! When that temptation hits again I will remember your sage advice. Thank you Derek.

Thank you for the warmth of your communication. Your thoughtfulness and sincerity and honesty come through nicely.

Width a grateful heart,

James McKnight.

I loved this simple approach! Thanks!

It shows we're capable of solving just about anything if we ask the right questions. Not always, but often.

Good, brief read. Thanks.

Thanks for your continued inspiration🙌🏽

Good point, once we stop, get the world around us to slow down, and we patiently reflect, we often find the answer right in front of us.

THANK YOU!

How to choose a mentor-figure that's probably a good fit for my goals, and put myself in their mind... Hmmm... Thoughts?

Besides you, Derek.

How many other potential mentor-figures have years' worth of material that let me get into their head? So how to get into their heads to explore what they'd say?

Have to just stick with Derek. Not a problem!

Thanks for sharing Derek.

It's an interesting perspective. I'm almost embarrassed to say that in the past, I think I've done something a little similar though not as complete or as structured as your approach.

Perhaps the most important value in doing this is that in writing down our thoughts, our subconscious mind may come into play to help learn or discover insight, fears, hopes, about our challenge or dilemma.

Also, for me at least, there is something weird that happens in the human brain when eyes are fixed a screen and we're typing our thoughts using a keyboard. Almost invariably, as we write or type, new neural connections seem to mysteriously get made, appear, or light up. No wonder we talk about "light bulb moments".

Sometimes, I'm able to solve problems simply by typing them out. Maybe we all have a wiser version of ourselves hiding deep inside, that only makes itself known if invited and asked nicely ☺

Of course, today, for folks who don't touch-type, maybe they can be just as effective when using one of those speech-to-text convertors: simply talk your problem, thoughts, challenges into your device, and have that type your text for you.

When testing, I've written entire articles that way - in a quarter of the time. But it might take time to "gel". I still prefer a QWERTY keyboard.

However also, especially today, if we're using speech-to-text convertors, we might want to be mindful of privacy issues. We would want to trust that the software isn't keeping any sort of external records of our musings on one (probably more) random servers somewhere - that are just waiting to get hacked ☺

Which perhaps brings me back to "Keep It Simple": for me that means text typed on a screen that I'm confident is secure.

I love this!! I recently did the Lifebook programme with Jon and Missy Butcher. The live coaching calls we had with them were so incredible that I was desperate to win the prize of the 1x1 coaching call with them. As I started visualising in great detail how that call would go, I realised I could already hear and see all their answers to my questions as if I were in the same room as them!

Great post! Very relatable. Thanks for your work!

WOW.

love your tact

My best mentors have told me their wisdom in books and lately it is the wisdom of the soul life / inner life- the kind the makes you want what you have and see the humanity in everyone (and grow in compassion) even though the whole world seems to be screaming, raging, and running in the other direction. They help me to center down into deep ageless wisdom.

So much genius in one post. Read / smiled / shook my head / re-read - smiled more. Very clever.

That's interesting....how did you choose your mentors?

There is very much truth in this, but sometimes experience from another person see posibilyties that you even don't know exist. And sometimes you get a bonus answer on something you haven't thought of.

This can be good advice. I have solved many problems this way. But it is not balanced advice.

My weakness: I fail to ask questions or contact people because I can predict how they will respond.

I never give people a chance to surprise me.

"Define your problem crisply and bluntly...
Meditate on the truth that the universe is a
problem-solving machine, and that you always
stir up hidden forces to work in your behalf
when you provide the universe with a beautiful
problem to solve. Then relax with perfect
confidence and make yourself available for the
solution to find you." Rob Brezsny

very good one sir, i was really inspired

I love this!

There is so much truth in it for me. If I try to articulate on paper what my problem is and what I've done about it already in order to ask for help from someone, just the process of doing this (often) reveals what I already know is the right solution for myself.

Hey! You've just described rubber ducking, but without the ducks. You can read about a success story here: hwrnmnbsol.livejournal.com/148664.html

I enjoy your books & TedTalks. Am from the Philippines

It's me again. I forgot to add something: Do you have anything on the lines of "how to find a mentor"? I certainly need one.

Thanks
It's in">sive.rs/faq#mentor">in my FAQ — Derek

Hysterical! I do everything you do except when im done I cross my fingers and explain it all to my wife.

This awesome... I love it, thanks!

Since the post started I was already thinking to write a comment "yeah but how do I get a mentor?" ... at the end of the post I was like "oh... I see".

I see now that I have as many mentors as I want ☺

(But still... any advise on how to get a *real* mentor?)

Hi Derek, lovely illustration for the article and very clear methodology. I will certainly use it when stuck with a problem. Your article helped me have a clearer idea about mentors(and will save your time by not asking you to be mine!). I don't know if my mentor knows I exist but I know I can't reach out to him materially as he's left this life. I'm not sure about predicting what the mentor will say. This way we're guessing another person's thoughts and thinking for them so we're still in our own thoughts. Wouldn't this be limiting our options and close the door to the unknown?

This post comes to me after a rather profound night, and makes so much sense to me. I very much enjoyed the lively discussion in the comments as well.

Thankful.

You know I exist. That helps, thank you!

Solid gold.

THIS. Probably worth thousands of $. I think you could "ask" the same to a coach. Thank you

Thought is SPIRITUAL and to become physical it needs a physical vehicle to come into fruition.
When we talk it out; we bring it out
GREAT ARTICLE DEREK!
KEEP THEM COMING!

Wow! I have held this as a core belief for many years yet never put it into words. This actually is so helpful and insightful! Thanks Derek!

Great words of wisdom, i never had trouble with reaching out just call me curious of which my mentors have inspired and taught me many thing and continue to do so long after they have departed the planet. Great words of wisdom

Thank you for sharing and continued success


Van

Came here to mention rubber duck debugging, but I have well and truly been beaten!

Often we seek external validation because we are afraid to question ourselves: we already know the answer deep down that something needs to improve or change.

I love this. Great advice.

I've found myself writing up long-winded emails only to erase it all after the solution manifests itself in the big chunk of text. Sometimes all we need is a little back-and-forth communication with ourself.

Well said🍎🎸🎵🍁

This reminds me of the "Mastermind" concept (Napoleon Hill) where you create a board of "advisors" which could be any person past or present. In the example in his book "Think and Grow Rich", he comments about the strange effects of consulting with influential thought leaders of the past. I'm curious if you've ever tried something similar with your mentors list? Thanks as always for your work!
Yep! — Derek

This article is timely for me and much appreciated, Derek. A beloved mentor passed away a few days ago and this process will help when I feel I need to go to her for help. Cheers-

I love this! I’m quite a shy person. I have my own business that is reasonably
Successful. I have been in a couple of masterminds that I paid a lot of money to be in. When I would try to build up the courage to ask my mentor a question. I would spend so much time getting the wording right that I never ended up asking them because the answer became so apparent to me as I was clarifying my question! So now I feel so happy reading this because I realise I am not too shy or too weird! Ha ha. Thank you Derek! ☺

First I consider you a mentor even though we have never meet. Every time I have asked you whT do you think you have replied for that I thank you

Mentors are hugely important and value all of mine - it’s sometimes important to get an objective view

Ha! Thank you for your continued inspiration, Derek! 😂

This is terrific advice. I printed it out and put it into my Wisdom Blue Book which is a 3 ring binder, ordered by categories of knowledge, that I will give to my kids someday as accumulated deep wisdom

Oh this is such a cleverly crafted article! Thank you for sharing this tip, been in some rough situations lately and I didn't know to reach out to as I didn't want to disturb their time. This is a great perspective for me.

The fact you have multiple mentors is impressive. I fell in the trap that a mentor was needed in the growth stage of my career when in fact that mentors are needed throughout a lifetime. Thanks for sharing an excellent perspective.

True wisdom - thank you!

You are my mentor 😀
Thank you for being here. 👏😘

How clever is this Derek. Yes, it's amazing what we can discover when we give ourselves time to do the work and then reflect and allow our inner guidance to come through.
Having said that, sometimes we need to contact those people who are able to "play" at what we find hard.
If I am contacting a teacher of mine, I do what you say. I write out my question and make it as precise as possible. First I always do research on my own.
I know that they are busy and I respect their time.

Thank you for your continued inspiration (and mentorship)!

Great process, Derek. I'm going to use this.
Also, thanks for sharing that you have a mentor who doesn't know you exist. I have a few of those and have felt funny (presumptuous, I guess) about calling them mentors.

I love this!

Insightful...the gratitude for ongoing residual influence, beautiful.

Hi Derek

I came to this looking for some improvement I could suggest. That's a recent habit acquired through giving Toastmasters' evaluations.

I get your main point, and it's mostly true. Reminds me of when I worked in a colleges IT department as a programmer. Part of the job was if students had IT problems they could ask for help. 95% of the time once they explained the problem to you they would find the answer themselves. Just like you write.

I think you're missing something mentors are really for. Showing you directions you didn't know existed. And perhaps identifying things in your life that you're satisfied with, but could be even better.

Just a thought.

Thanks for the emails. They're always interesting.

Regards

John
Leuven
Belgium

The funny thing about this post is that I have (had?) a draft in my Gmail asking for advice from 3-4 years ago... and it was addressed to you! Each time I went to send it I first re-read what I had written and found a way to take action.

I don’t love this because it misses the mutuality of a good mentoring relationship. Mentors can learn as much from these conversations as mentees can. It’s also rewarding to share advice and learning. It’s validating. Many folks that are successful are isolated from true positive feedback. Also... you may know your mentor perfectly... but probably not. And if you haven’t talked in years, their perspective and advice could have evolved. You could be projecting less wisdom than you could receive.
I also like the muscles that asking for help gives in building humility and sharing burden and curiosity.

Great advice - especially if one is already equipped with the skills or knowledge to ‘self-mentor’ by the end of the process. However, any tips or insights into how to reach out to someone you might only know tangentially but who truly has knowledge or experience you don’t have in order to mine their expertise, or perhaps suggest a working relationship on some level?
Thanks so much for your continued thoughtful posts.
Mike

Nicely put, Derek.
If we slowed down, thought about it once more, added a few grains of wisdom we had gained elsewhere, rather than reacting instantly to what is in front of us and shooting from the hip, would we in a better place? I think you are right. I think we would. My problem is why do I find it so hard to do this in practice?

Hello Derek what an amazine g piece of literature and good hmour too. I had to smile. I am or have been in a similar situation somewhat. My mentors didn't know I exist. Well they don't exist in the flesh any more because they have all passed, but now I feel their spirit, so maybe they found out that I considered them my mentors and those among them who are musicians often I imagine or believe remind me of their music by playing it in my ear

I loved the story :) I tend to do too much by myself without asking for help, so I will still push myself to send that email. But this is a good reminder on how to look for answers by ourselves. Thanks for sharing Derek!

This also sounds like an excellent insurance policy against hindsight.

Revisiting the process after the problem has been resolved (or not) and reflecting on how and why the decision seemed the best at time is not only a learning opportunity but could also be a balm for the sting of "I should have known better".

Only slightly unrelated, but an interesting way to bookend a decision-making session is to wash your hands.

A study was done that found that washing ones hands after a decision reduces "post-decisional dissonance" - aka the bias of justifying our chosen option as the best, and disparaging the alternatives in order to convince ourselves that we did the right thing. It seems that the act of "washing" helps to reduce the need to coddle ourselves, and maybe could lead to better evaluation of our choices after the fact.

Article can be found at:
dornsife.usc.edu/assets/sites/780/docs/lee___schwarz_washing_away_dissonance_science_7may2010_ms.pdf

That is great,I can so use this, We are powerful beyond what we know.
THANKS.

That's amazing! Reading this from one of my mentors (you) was a great help. Thanks!

I really liked this!

Key to human advancement, it is smart to be able to learn from others. By the effort of thought we make it our own.
Thanks!

I've noticed that if I write things done. Things get more clearly. Write. That is what I do now when I am stuck. Thank you.

When it comes to thinking through our problems...
Folks, this worked because Derek made the sincere effort to use full sentences (Capital letter and a period)

Using point form or phrases wouldn't have worked, and thinking swirly thoughts within one's head wouldn't work either. I can say this because I have tried being too impatient or too lazy to write properly... maybe as a way of secretly staying in darkness, from stubbornness or ego or not wanting to admit I have so far been wrong or something.

Most of us crave camaraderie, community, companionship, which I believe is the bigger reason for reaching out regarding a problem, not necessarily for help with the problem itself. I think it’s impo to be human and keep reaching out. Being mindful of their time is important, I want to be respected too, but you never know what kind of connection may be waiting on the other side. I think it’s better to give our humanity a chance, keep reaching out, and let them decide whether, or how to move forward.

Brillant!!
Articles & blog posts should be more in these lines, that is, teach / help / inspire someone on how to fish, instead of just proposing a solution.

There are plenty of solution-based-articles out there, very few on solution-thinking-based / solution-tools-based.

Thank you!

These are some really good points. I feel that reaching out for help is a part of emotional intelligence. To be respectful of other peoples time and at the same time we feel that we would like to ask questions that are relevant. This reminds me of taking music lessons. Especially my feeble attempt at tuning my drum kit. This is such a subjective topic that we really need to figure things out for ourselves and really own it. Thanks for all your insights. I really look forward in reading them.

Hahaha. Love it!!
Thanks for nothing! 😜

Your thoughts, words and inspiration once again have reached me at a time when they are extremely helpful, useful and much needed. Thank you Derek.

I love the hard work that is put before actually reaching out to someone for help/advice and it is something that I'm sure more of us could practice. It sounds like after all that work, the work of a mentor is no longer needed but I would wager that there might be something gained from the interaction -- whether related to the dilemma or not :)
thanks for all you do!

Love this! One of the best quotes i've ever heard is "Become the mentor you wish you had". Which is exactly what you've written. Brilliance.

Derek, I hesitate to comment. This post has provoked extensive comment already! But in the interests of exploring all aspects of the post, I will add my own feedback.

What you have described is not mentoring. It is some sort of solipsism. Obviously useful to you, but missing the key relational aspects of the mentoring role. What you have described in one case, is a fantasy mentor, and in the other cases, your own fresh learning or ruminations about a PAST mentor. I am both a mentor and a "mentee" right now, and the active live interaction of these relationships is what is creating the learning experience for me. Love your work, but you are slightly off base here.

I resonate so much with you and your process, Derek. When I’m perplexed by a concept, friend or sweetheart, I write ... then I edit as an awareness comes to light .. then I edit again as another awareness comes to light .. before I know it, the energy on it has dissipated and the next step is clear and the need to even send the note becomes unnecessary.

I wonder if writing THIS note is even necessary as I’m saying the same thing you did ... just using different words ..

I guess I’m also writing as I’m wanting you to know how much I resonate with you ... with your process .. and therefore the connection I feel with you .. always have. And I don’t have that often .. you and Jane Siberry are a couple of my mentors.

I’m lucky enough to know Jane in person. Some day I hope to meet you too.

Till then, I’m grateful you're in the world and sharing your thoughts.

I call it siverizing and godinizing (after you and Seth Godin) my decisions and surprisingly often, your hypothetical advice is "yeah eff it, let's go"

Brilliant article thank you.
And in my own way, I've used it. Solved problems by taking time to consider the input of others without involving them.

Derek,
As one of my (secret;) mentors, I'm glad for this guidance from you today. I'm about to ask your advice - using this method - on the updated edition of my book.

So, thanks!

Haha... I love this. I have done the same a few times, asking myself 'how would they respond to this...'

I wish the people I coach and support would approach their problems from a similar angle :)

Nice twist Derek. I have found some of the most helpful feedback I've received is from those who help me discover the answer I already know, by framing good questions. If I'm stuck on something I ask myself "If you explained this problem to a friend what advice would they give you?". I asked a well-know marketing guy once what it would take to be my mentor; his response was "I'm afraid that I'm not a mentor to anyone. I just can't make that work, it doesn't scale."

Thanks for this post.

Thanks! Got me thinking about my relationship with my mentors to whom I often reach out impulsively. I value your suggestion of reflecting and am going to try it out the next time I have an issue. Knowing it is already within my capability to address it could be hugely liberating.
A concept you may wish to explore is reverse mentoring where you seek mentoring from a relatively inexperienced person. I’ve got some real gems from it. M

I think it's beautiful, and I think it would be beautiful too to see what happens if you actually interact with someone you consider as your mentor… which, of course, doesn‘t have to be written in stone. It could be a cat, or a tree you love. Okay. This is a bit of a cliché but I think you get the point.
And: Love your style, as always.

Same! I have several mentors who don't even know I exist. I study their work and learn from afar. It's insight. I don't want to waste their efforts! Thanks for writing this one.

Man, always short and very well said. I’m loving what you’re putting out there Derek. Keep it up!

Love this! When I encounter hardship, I talk to myself out loud and pretend I’m a spiritual teacher/oracle/therapist/professor...and tell myself all the things I would say if I was an all knowing entity. I record the session on my phone. These sessions not only solve my original problem, but untangle so much more. I suppose it’s an audio version of what you’re doing. So cool!

Derek,

This is a powerful exercise in mindset that I never considered. It reaffirms that the answers typically lie within ourselves, but we just need to learn where to look. Thank you for the shift in perspective.

Hope alls well,

Doug

This is absolutely brilliant Derek!! Really appreciate your insights!

Siverism or Siverizing as Antonius puts it- aren‘t those excellent ideas for a book title???

The mentor article is more or less another interesting example of how to be considerate.

Possibly. ^^

courage

Brilliant!

As always you're suggestions are right on. Unfortunately I have no mentors. I guess it's not so surprising since I'm 80.

Here I am thinking about I'm missing out by not having any mentors, but it seems to me I need to actually figure out who I'd want as a mentor first.

This is the most refreshing note on mentors, ever. First, it's respectful of their time and attention to give your own thorough time and attention before reaching out. Then, it's self-honoring to realize you have the answers already within you. And I love the notion of having "secret" mentors, and of being one, too! <3 LM

I freaking love the last line!

Love this smart strategy very much!

this is lovely thanks derek xx

A favorite quote, which I often parroted, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.”
Lately, I rather like “when the student is ready, the guru disappears”...
Nice one! — Derek

I find you post things like this that I totally resonate with. I am wondering if we both should approach these mentors in real life. I am discovering that community and fraternity are a big part of creatives. I also believe the student becomes the teacher to their mentor as well. I.E. Maybe your mentors could benefit by helping you or at the least discussing it with you.

Amazing advice! :D

I love this idea! You are looking at the problem in a thorough way, while looking at it from the perspective of a person you respect.

Great strategy!

Good points. For me the initial approach to a mentor is a problem for the most part....

To many in the music biz especially Gospel I've found to be very difficult and often rude when approached.

I've had several persons to ask for my help and one very famous name. I found it extremely hard to assist. I thought he should of asked anyone but me..

Thanks for your experience and sharing. It helps me to know how others manage....

Rev Tina Redden

As humans when we make a decision, our values and beliefs act as a filter which paints a picture of how “we see” the situation. Looking at the world through “someone else’s perceived filter” is a great way to gain a new perspective. They help us go from the fuzzy to the clear.

Many thanks Derek, you have contributed to an evolution on my thought process for mentorship and joy.

I pick 7 mentors. I call people who inspire me frothers (surf slang).

I then split them into:

Anchors: Two that you can interact with weekly, daily at best.

Boundaries: Two who you admire and learn from that are just outside your inner circle.

Global: Three that you admire and learn from that are "seemingly" untouchable.

I use this method and without really trying they make their way down the list.

Of course you can have more than the alloted number but especially for those you haven't met yet, I always suggest less is more.

I originally called the workshop 'how to have a beer with your heroes' however since it is 'how to work with your heroes'

While this is true fir me, this is also a hook to get people interested as the importance, in my opinion, is having a healthy dose of all of these and we can have a beer or work with our heroes every week - even if that person is your Mum :)

I can't wait to weave this into my next workshop.

FYI You are in my global list and have been a mentor of mine for quite a while.

And the random button is an awesome idea. Well played community.

I seem to be the mentor in most cases.

This makes me think of Tim Ferriss' "Fear Setting" exercise. Powerful stuff Derek.

One doesn't know you exist?
Cooool!?!!

Good advice. Sometimes I just can't put myself in their shoes because their life experience has been so different.

A year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. Researching my condition led me to believe I had only a 35% chance of living to this Christmas.

My friends told me to get my affairs in order. Even though I am young for this sort of thing, I resigned myself to believing what I was told and read.

Then I contacted a good friend who I know had spent the last couple of years fighting cancer. He gave me the advice that helped me the most- by far, "Put down the Internet and live one day at a time."

I spent 6 no-fun months with Chemo and came out of it as well as could be expected with cancer in remission for now.

Good advice I could not have predicted.

Your columns are always full of such unpredictable good advice. Thank you.

Well, I do have 4 Mentors which I do call on. I use them most of the time for positive feedback on a project. I know they will tell me if it is good or bad and can say just tweak it here a little. Sometimes they will ask me what was I after, what was the end objective? Right there tells me I missed it and back to tweaking or start over.

Very helpful strategy for problem solving
Love it
Cheers

Haha! You got me - I love this! Thank you for sharing.

Ha! I'm sure everyone posting here in the comments (including me) has at least one mentor who doesn't know we exist ;-P

This is golden!

a lovely and unexpected conclusion ... gave me a great chuckle, not sure why ... I COULD ask a mentor but I'll garden and see what transpires.

Ahhh, the kindest, most diplomatic encouragement of due diligence rather than misusing a mentor that I’ve yet heard. ;) Derek is ever the gentle giant!!

It happens to me numerous time. :)

But sometimes after all the research done with the problems, if I cannot come up with a solution still, I'll muster the courage to ask the mentor(s) for help (but with no expectation he or she will reply).

And I'll try to make the favor to ask as small as possible. So that the mentor wouldn't have to spend too much time on it if he's ok to give me a hand.

Brilliant! Love it.

Beautiful and so funny, too.
Thanks!

When I read the caption, I thought it is not applicable to me as I don't have mentors. But I now learnt your way of addressing the problems.
Good one. Thanks

Excellent !
It totally resonates with me.

I have 2 mentors myself and both are extremely busy. Hence, generally I tend to conceive what they would do if they were in the same situation themselves. And I do accordingly.

So happy that you put it down in words this way and bring such a beautiful awareness to this process. It makes me realize more so that answers/guidance are not external but merely within us, if we can just be silent enough to listen to it ourselves.

I will certainly share your blog with others too when someone asks me for guidance !

Grateful :)

thanks Derek for your new article and continued inspiration!

hi Derek,
Thanks
Best Regards
Jan

I do the exact same thing! Even with you :)

I also use the most ideal, the very best version, I can imagine of myself as a mentor. I ask what would he say to me and it turns out to be exactly what I needed.

Two points on this:
1) I not only can imagine an ideal form of myself but I can also learn from him.
2) The fact that I can imagine him means he is a part of me already.

yes, derek ... all help is self help. but i must say, although i’m like you, it’s both a blessing & a curse. whenever i actually get around to asking real
people for help, i get further & quicker ... & i often feel i should do more this may.

As always, keep it simple by editing oneself. You usually know your own answers if you take the time to examine your options. Thanks Derek!

Love this Derek.

What I needed to read at the moment, and very actionable and applicable.

Thanks for continually putting out rich content, and feeding the minds of many!

While I think that your way of working is worthwhile, you also need to consider the impact of unknown unknowns. Information and perspectives that are so far removed from what you consider that you need other people for it.

Thanks for sight of this thought process... your thinking out loud has been the gift that keeps on giving:)
Best Julien

Interesting!

Thank you for this Derek
So simple and inspiring - this structure never would have occurred to me if I had not read your post.
Cheers

Love. This.

Advice one can use. How precious and rare. Thanks.

I love this, Napoleon Hill shares this concept of the imaginative mastermind and how you can connect to knowledge and wisdom through thinking though and imagining what others would say about the things you are dealing with.

It helps us discipline thinking and get more succinct.

Great share, thank you Derek!

Wow, this was surprising and useful.

Brilliant

Awesome concept! Loved the way you summarized the concept of internal reflection :)

For business: I go to business partners, attorney, CPA covers most of it.
For personal:I go to a trusted friend, family member and God.
God is a big part of both: Prayer.

Love the sense of your post. One small comment though -
I overdid the NOT contacting aspect on an old love of mine who happens to be a pro mentor in ‘real life’. Now (I counted) it’s been years since I can even get a friendly keep-in-touch response to calls. It just seems a bit uffish to sever a contact so cold - and i was surprised. Are mentors and friends (in the real sense) mutually exclusive in your experience?

Here's me leading by example:
I have just written my second mentor letter in two days. This last one is shorter and better, but still hard to resolve things.
Tomorrow I will pull a Terrry from above and involve God too, since my mentor and I would understand such language, but I won't write until tomorrow, as I think a day between letters is good.

Because my decision/issue involves a crazy hateful dear relative, I am writing to a man with a crazy hateful wife and crazy enemies: President Abraham Lincoln. Dale Carnegie used to pull out a dollar bill and ask, "What would Lincoln do?"

LOVE this so much!

This is a lovely piece. It read almost poetic and rhythmic.

I’m sort of proud that I care so much about people’s time that I want (and can) to spend as much time trying to solve a problem before I bug them. It’s a balancing act though. Knowing when to reach out or, the inverse, extend a hand is important.

Also—You’re one of my mentors despite not knowing it!

Hi Derek
Thanks for a helpful article. It challenges us to be more self sufficient. I wonder, the last time you did this process and actually got advice from a mentor, how different was the outcome? I myself find my mentors helpful, usually they are friends who are happy to be involved in what I'm up to.
All the best!

Brilliant. Loved it!

Love it boss. To me, it has a hint of Churchill's "Is this the best you can do?"

derek: very cool... and as always, profound. have a blessed day —ski

Hello everyone,
For my third mentor letter to President Abraham Lincoln I managed to resolve things. Hurray!

I put Derek's four headings in brackets at the top of my letter, because I had been forgetting to use them, but doing my own format has worked out OK.

I retain deep anger at my relative in a previous space-time location, while giving myself permission to have charity without malice in a more recent time.

You may recall that southern (US)culture is not confederacy culture, since the confederacy only lasted a few years, was only a brief blip on Time's radar screen. While Abe may have directed his forces to advance south, he was surely a lover of the south before and after the confederacy.

After the war he reposed in peace on the White House lawn, without hatred, and, to the great surprise of onlookers, directed the band to play the "south's" song Dixie. Because now the song was everyone's.

I will retain my old hatred with desire to hurt-get-revenge, stuffed away in the past, but in the modern real-time I will be peaceful on the lawn. ... To bad I didn't write to Abe years ago...

Derek thats a lovely way to put it. Its made me think that I should write them down also. Dig in deep and analyse. One way for me is to rest or sleep on it. When I come back refreshed, I have a different view.

I have to admit I hadn’t expected the twist in the tail of the article, although found it very thought provoking.
I’ve previously heard the logic of not needing to personally know or speak with a mentor before (i.e. it’s ok to select a living or dead role model whose wisdom and modality you respect but cannot directly access via speaking with them), although haven’t otherwise acted upon this concept.
The simplicity of writing to them, getting in to their head and addressing a question/ challenge from their perceived stand/viewpoint is very appealing.
So, step 1 for me will be to explicitly select my mentors. I can immediately think of 2. One whom I know very well, and who knows me very well; however, our relationship will evolve over the next year as he retires. I’d like to keep actively/proactively hearing & using his virtual wisdom when this transition occurs. The other doesn’t know me, and I know him via his books, podcasts, presentations, writings etc.
Being female, I’d like to select a female mentor, although am not yet sure who that will be. I’d like this person to augment the other 2. I’ll let this sit quietly inside my head for now.
Thanks for this thought- & action-provoking piece Derek.

Love this post. It’s genius! I’m going to start putting this in practice tomorrow with a few work “problems” I have.

Hi Derek. That's a cool perspective which I can relate to. I love it, and I bet most people couldn't take the time to do it! :) I go to the Small Business Association in So. Cal. they provide mentors for free. I have two mentors that I see once a month for an hour. I can't tell you how good it feels to sit in front of them and have them listen to all the things that I do, consider what I do fully, and advise. I take their advice too. Being my own everything in music for so many years...I don't go around bragging about what I do, but damn, I've been good! :) Love mentors.

One of my mentors (he doesn't know it) is called Warren. I often write WWWD in my journal... What Would Warren Do? I don't try to copy him, but it does point the way to by best self and the long game ;-)

This has by far been one of my most favorites. Thank you !

Nice and smart. And, good mentors, would actually love to:

1. Enjoy to hear not only about your problems but also to be proud of you with your wins.
2. They can teach you new things and give you unexpected answers.

That is definitely true, because oftentimes we have answers to our problems. However, we just need a confirmation on what we already know.

That's a great idea. If I know my mentors well enough it shouldn't be too hard. One of mine has passed on but one of the things she used to say is, "Do you want me to comment, make suggestions or just listen?" It was a great way to really think about what it was that I wanted from her.

I don't do it the same way you do it, but the results are the same. Many a time, I've started to write an email to someone about what-ever-it-is and after reading it over and guessing their response, I end up deleting the whole thing, 'cause I found it to be unnecessary.

This is really helpful! I love not wasting other peoples time when you can work stuff out yourself.

What about actually talking to mentors and connecting, is there space for that? what are your thoughts?

how can I get a publisher to listen to me ive sent my music every where right now don't have the money to go on any places that cost money I need to publish my self how do I do that

Brillant. I love your posts. Each and every one of them. Thank you for writing them and sharing them with us.

This seems a good and helpful exercise. I usually end of reaching out to my mentors with my final, succinct, qualified question - sometimes just to have that human contact and connect. I do try to avoid asking for advice on things I’ve already made up my mind on, although I do confess I am delighted when a mentor confirms my hunch/opinion.

This is so awesome!

Love your thoughts on this. And it makes sense - in a perspective of an introvert-focused-personality. Writing it down, putting on a structure, restructuring it again, writing it down again (...).

I think a lot of people breathe through the little moments of communication with their mentors. I admire your way of asking your mentor for help. And I would love to do it in the same way.

But I receive the inspiration and problem-solving-creativity through looking my mentor in the eyes or listening to his or her voice - even if it is listening to "Anything you want" for once in a month. For example: My question is pondering through my head and one sentence of you may give a hint for finding a solution.

Some of my mentors are very busy people. With those mentors, I definitely try to elicit _their_ advice by asking myself what they would do. Other mentors are people with a lot of free time on their hands: they appreciate an actual question and some interaction. So, for me at least, it depends on the mentor's situation.

That said, I always find it valuable to reflect on what people I respect would do in a certain situation. For example, I recently made a note of how Jocko Willink (a former Navy Seal who I look to for inspiration when it comes to discipline and getting things done) would handle my current position and set of challenges: Jocko as a community college teacher. It was a fun list to come up and made me laugh a few times. But it was also really useful. How would Jocko respond to a request for an extension on an assignment deadline? How long would Jocko take to return corrected assignments to students? That exercise helped me see things from a very different viewpoint. In the end, I didn't go "Jocko" on my students. But I did reflect on my current practices and made some tweaks.

Lastly, there is something about _occasionally_ making actual contact with your mentors. It makes you feel good. The people we chose as mentors are people we look up to. Yes, they are often very busy people. And you have to be very careful and respectful with their time. But, it does feel good to have actual contact every once in a while. I only have a couple of people who I consider mentors who are very busy - and I try to email them once every 6 months or so - with thanks for something they did or with a very important question I have for them. They both always respond. And those responses always give me a little jolt of joy. It's nice to communicate with people you respect and look up to. And it's nice to know that people - regardless of their level of 'success' - still care about each other. The important thing is to make sure you are as considerate to those who look up to you and get a little jolt of joy when you respond to their emails - or accept their LinkedIn request - or whatever.

It's nice to be helped and even nicer to be able to help.

Love it!

I've been thinking about bugging one of my mentors, but maybe I shouldn't...

I had a coach who would say
> If you knew the answer, what would it be?

Here is my reaction , to your query, concerning the task, of seeking advise from those to whom, you have great confidence ! "My face, cracked a smile , which grew into a chuckle" . Very clever .....and funny !



While, I have, your attention , Sir Derek ...by the way, do not, get carried away with that title , it's a habit of mine , to address , those, who call me on the phone ! If, I know them ! Now..starting over..may I share with you, a little glimpse , which I caught with me eye Friday ? Thank you !

The incident , wasn't a private showing ! No , indeed it was not ! Daytona Beach , if you've not visited the city , hosts car and motorcycle racing events each year . It is the motorcycle racing and show , which brings, to town, people, from all over the world ! Not necessarily , to watch the motorcycle races, however, but to feast their eyes , on the human race ! Ahem ! Close your eyes ! And Imagine , the scene ! Main Street , a narrow black topped roadway ,running from the sand beach to the Halifax River Bridge. Flanked on each side by narrow sidewalks , packed , shoulder to shoulder with middle aged super macho men and heavy breasted women, STROLLING back and forth , as they ogle each other !It isn't quite X-rated , but for those, like myself ,the seeing of a naked female breast* of a fully developed mature woman, on a bright sunny day, on a public street, was quite a treat !

* She had a pasty on her nipple. It is against the City Law , to bare breasts in the public .

Derek,
You have always been a inspiration to me. I have several pieces of music on CD Baby thanks to you. I have taken up photography and started coding thanks to you. I have had changes of thought because of your fantastic writings. I have to say thanks to you for all you do.

I am a psychologist. My patients do this, they internalize what they think I would say. I wonder if your three mentors are currently living or if you have one that is no longer with us, perhaps from 1000 years ago.

Hi Derek
Do you know that what you described is very true. After analyzing your thoughts, the questions you want to ask your mentors and thinking about them carefully you have solved your problem and got the answer by yourself. Therefore, you avoid going to a mentor or a psychologist and thus save a lot of money.

I do this a lot with the Drive network. 😃
Great piece!

my sentiments exactly

Thank you for your continued inspiration <3

Amazing Derek! I was going to send you an email, but then I followed your process. All clear now. Thank you for your continued inspiration!

Beautiful written and oh so true. At least in my perspective.
As a transformational coach I have this approach that clients are whole, creative and resourceful.
An how I hold them is that they have all the answers already in themselfs.
When they are stuck the only thing they need is a new perspective to choose from.
You can do that with a coach and perspective coaching, but also by yourself. Like you do, writing letters to your mentor coaches. Awesome!

Thanks!

Another brilliant and useful post. So simple; original. You always inspire me!

You are one of my mentors!

Oh this is gold! It reminds me of the wisdom of your own intuition

Brilliant Derek. Dude you are a genius. Makes total sense.

Derek that’s a great post! As a musician I’ve sort of taken that approach over the years. Haha..few years ago here in Tokyo had the good fortune to hang a little with Randy Brecker at his Tokyo gigs. On Saturday he had an afternoon gig and I stopped in after my gig finished. The band he was guest soloist with were friends of mine. They insisted I sit-in on a tune and Randy and I solo on it. After I finished soloing and Randy was walking to the mic, he gave me an approving/shocked look that was priceless. Later we talked and he was very complimentary. I told him, “I’ve had a great teacher.”

I’ve been meaning to write to you. Currently unable to play trumpet because throat cancer returned. Been a horrific 18 months. To keep the creative process going, Jan 2018 I switched to painting. Since 1/18 I painted over 1500 paintings (Instagram: @neil007_improvisations)
(http://www.almo-studio.com).

I have an ebook I actually wrote in an afternoon in 2013 about my cancer experience at that time and some thoughts. I can send you a ©. My question: How to proceed with this book and get it out to the world?
Chomping at the bit to do a couple more books about the cancer process/experience and maybe one about improvisation.

Thank you so much for your time and inspiration over the years
Neil Stalnaker

Clever!

I have had past students call me up to cuss me out because they were just about to deliver or hand in som work and then they heard me in their head saying, "Is that the best you can do?" or "Are you should that you have met the clients full expectations and then some?"
It's fun to be hated and admired at the same time!
☺

Beautiful. We all have what we need within.

My goto was 'what would mom do?' I lost her when I was 30 and she was an inspiration to me, sensible, practical and encouraging. So I usually knew that she would want me to either finish my work or go with my gut instincts. My other mentor is my sister who lives in another continent, we whattsapp daily. My third mentor is someone who has finished her doctoral degree and can be depended on to give me a very different perspective on the problem I have. I really respect her and she hasn't let me down yet.

Hi Derek,

too bad, that your blog is not accepting WebMentions.
Here's my response: jaenis.ch/blog/2019/about-mentors/

Thanks ;)

Josh Kaufman is one right?

Could we get maybe one more name? :)

I like what Eric Barker says on mentors. Don't ask a mentor anything Google can answer for you !

This is EXCELLENT Derek!
It's just what I needed and now understand better what Napolean Hill was talking about! THANKS SO MUCH for the clarity! Woo hoo!

It's very nice sir.
Thank you for motivating and giving lessons everyday.
May you get all the happiness you deserve. 😊

Mentor is essential but not as much as needed .
They play their roles in a discrete way.

I love this thought exercise. It truly shows that as humans we can work through anything if we can just figure out how. Thank you for the reminder.

loved it. it is so you

now its the best time ever to practice a thoughtful life. This thought process is gold for reaching your own conclusions, but inspired in masters (wherever they are). Thanks Derek for the inspiration.

Hi, I really love your article. May I translate it into Chinese and post it on the internet? I will link back to your article and note that it is created by u. Thanks!

I like it. A clear story & methodology in if you stop and think, you know the answer. In life, I’ve noticed that having someone around that is an expert often stops people/me from thinking. We dumb down & ask. I like how considerate of people’s time you are. :)

This really made my heart sing. It’s so valuable and they don’t have to know me to be my mentor. Thank you.

Hey, this sounds together wise and hilarious... and effective LOL
On the other hands, while is good that one gets to solve their problems by themselves, somethimes, especially if mentors are for real, it is good to share our thoughts with them. Another pair of eyes and another incredible amount of synapsis might help.
Thank you for sharing
Cheers, L.

You're my mentor, Derek. Wrote a book with you a long time ago and have followed the rest of your work ever since. Thank you for all your wisdom!

Love this. A similar approach to perceptual positions in NLP.

This is actually quite awesome advice... as a college student I'll definitely be doing this. Thanks for sharing!

I know how to make my mentor listen but how do I make my mentor believe in my vision and work on it.

Haha this article is awesome!

I am picking this up from your podcast appearance with David Perell...

A shame he didn't convert to a YouTube, as the pod doesn't give a transcript.

... and the ideas from there are shuffling my TBR list.

Hi mujhe bahut procrastination Hota H aur sabhi kaam me Perfect krne ka sochta hoon tu use kaise thik kron