Why are my best friends Jewish?

I have a lot of close Jewish friends also. In my experience, they tend to be more welcoming, relaxed, have an easy laugh, and generally just easier to be around. But I don’t tend to notice the same combination of qualities in other groups of people. They may exist, but it seems to be less common.

The "Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Judaism" amazon link doesn't work anymore. I found the book when I searched for the Rabbi's name, so I'm guessing it's a newer edition or something.

I don't have a good answer except to say it goes the other way around too. I'm Jewish and was always drawn to you and your clear thinking which feels as one of our own. I don't buy into "chosen-ness" but there is a certain kinship with some people of a lucid, brainy style. Jewish or not.
☺ I honestly hadn’t considered it the other way around! Thank you. — Derek

Your question reflects the richness and complexity of human relationships. The connections you describe suggest shared values, character, and perhaps even spiritual design. Every culture shapes its members in unique ways that influence their perspectives and interactions. Jewish culture, in particular, emphasizes intellectual engagement, questioning, and dialogue. These traits align with the human desire for understanding and truth. It is natural to resonate with people who embody values you also cherish.

Deep connections often transcend cultural or familial boundaries. They point to the universal aspects of our shared humanity. We are relational beings, created for community and meaningful interaction. Sometimes, others embody qualities that remind us of who we aspire to be. They may also reflect traits we hold in high regard but do not fully recognize in ourselves.

Your observation about shared worldviews is insightful. Cultural influences may manifest in subtle ways that resonate deeply with us. The Jewish tradition has a long history of grappling with profound questions about life, justice, and God. Its richness naturally attracts those who seek depth and meaning in their relationships.

These connections can also prompt reflection on your own values and formation. What qualities draw you to these individuals? Is it their love of inquiry, their humor, or their resilience? Asking such questions can help you better understand yourself and your relationships.

Human connections remind us of the mystery and grace of life. They teach us about the ways God works through our encounters with others. Each meaningful relationship can shape us and reflect God’s image in unique ways. These moments invite us to grow in gratitude, love, and understanding. Ultimately, they reveal the beauty of our shared design as beings made for connection.

I guess you are attracted to money and power, and since we (discreetly) rule the world… ;-P

More seriously, it is a tradition to question everything in Judaism, which you have a higher chance of ending up getting even if you reject religion because it is part of our education. I once saw a video made by a famous French Rabbi, targeted at a young-ish audience (young enough to still be single, old enough to be married) and it felt surprisingly similar to a dating coach, to the point if you changed the guy but kept the talk, you probably couldn’t tell the difference.

My point being, Rabbis invented self development culture…

Derek, I think you are non-authoritarian, and if in the US would not have voted for Trump.

A guy explained once that the Jewish tradition of permission to question meant that Jews were not liked by authoritarian governments, which was an historical reason for anti-Jewish ism. I suspect he was partly right.

Also non-Jewish, also think I have a relative ease connecting with Jewish people. The one culturally-exclusive thread I've found that I think is common with your article is love of lightly snarky debate. A deep love of arguing for the sake of arguing.

Can you please post your 23andMe or Ancestry results? You probably have some Jewish ancestry. As a people, we have a high in-group preference. Most Jews are secular and yet we have a community. If you haven't gotten one you should.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLBva_3E2Ts
Nope. None. — Derek

"Why are my best friends Jewish?"

Correlation. Not causation. Maybe?

nice content, love from kagi smallweb

Thank you, Derek, for your wonderful post and very kind words. Reading your thoughts at this particular time of extreme anti-semitism and anti-Israel bias is even more treasured than ever! Honored to have you as honorary "mishpacha"!

I had just finished presenting to a group of CEO's and one of them came up to me and said, "You're not plain vanilla. You look plain vanilla normal white American, but you're not. You have much more depth. What's your story?" I tried to argue (as Jews do : ).. I tried to say that everyone (especially the people in that particular room) has a story and no one is plain vanilla. We all have some different unique interesting flavors. And then I started listing mine.. immigrant, Jewish, grew up in poverty, lived in several countries, firstborn, skipped a grade, young mom, etc... He said, "Stop. You had me at Jewish." I laughed because I think that's one of the least unique things about me (I'm surrounded by Jews in Philadelphia), and he said "No.. your people always have depth and curiosity and compassion. You're interesting and interested. You're feisty, and fun and loving." Ok, ok, guilty as charged.

A non-Jew with a number of Jewish friends, and after attending a number of bar / bat - mitzvahs and bris (brises?) etc, I also enjoy their attitude, discussions and perspectives. However, after many years of building trust, it appears that with the majority of these friends, there are often "no-go" topics, sensitivities towards any discussion that may not be "good for the Jews" and tribalist instincts and indoctrination that I struggle with in the interest of open and free discussion. There often seems to be a prioritizing of Jewish interests over human interests. There are a few exceptions fortunately and I choose not to be selective regarding friendships with exclusion, especially in people who are charismatic, intellectually attractive and curious. Perhaps that is the appeal.

i just recently said to my husband the same thing my closest girlfriends are Jewish, don;t know why either but they feel like sisters to me

I pray one day Derik that you will seek the King of Kings Jesus Christ.
John 3:16.
It's a personal relationship not a religion.
May you continue this journey and stay safe🥰
Diane

Too funny. I wonder how many of your Jewish readers (fans? pen-pals?) are similarly Jewish by heritage but not by matter of identity, and would thus surprise you. One right here.

I have also always related to Jews in the American population other than my desi community as an Indian living overseas. I think it is a communal sense of contributing something in their specific fields that makes them stand out to me and connect with them more. Even among other people, I relate most with those who want to “contribute something greater than themselves” and without a fail I have observed this trait in Jews.

I wonder the same thing. I grew up religionless in rural Indiana and to my knowledge never met a Jewish person until graduate school. Today? Well, not all of my friends are Jewish, but the percentage is high enough to invite explanation. I don’t have one.

My best friend as a child was Jewish, and I have 3 close Jewish friends here in NYC. I also toured with a Middle Eastern Rock band that was comprised of 3 Jews, 2 being Israeli, and me, the goyim from Long Island...ironically. And the Israeli's, they know how to live in the now, very spontaneous. Spontaneity has always been my thing and I feel like it's looked down upon in our western world. I was so happy to tour with people who were like, "look at that park, it looks amazing, we have to stop here and check it out". I've also worked as a musician in the Jewish culture (Bar and Bat Mitsvahs, weekly ceremonies)

I feel like I've always appreciated the feistiness of the culture, questioning authority, as I was raised in a reasonably strict Roman Catholic culture. NYC Jews tend to be liberal as well and that's something I've always appreciated.

Then again as others have mentioned. Is it all just coincidence?

Regardless of religious attitudes or practice, there are certain cultural attitudes amongst Jews. Intellectual pursuits have high status. Many other cultures do not share this. I’m Jewish. My wife was raised Catholic. She grew up on a farm in an area where there were virtually no Jews. While she was in high school she attended a science summer camp where most of the students were Jews from New York. I assume it was a big culture shock for her. Her best friend there was a very observant Orthodox boy. In a sense she found her people. She’s had a career in academia, with a PhD in chemistry. She’s been very comfortable around Jews!

From the point of view of karmic beliefs, it´s said that you would encounter same souls again and again. You may have past life connection with them, or may have lived in the region before :)

I could not get through all comments but 4,5,6 make sense to me. They are related to your Talmudic theory too. Even non-religious Jews are influenced by this tradition. Love of education, cherishing relationships among humans even over the relationthip with god, focusing on this life more than in the afterlife, tzedaka, and so much more. What's not to like? I also read about the theory of autocrats disliking Jews for incentivizing debate, it's an interesting point of view. Also, when you see the contributions to humankind Jews have made, you realize they are statistically above and beyond our numbers. Maybe some of it has to do with the traits that are explained in the book Start-up Nation. Not claiming that you can culturally equate Israelis to Jews but there are some common themes.

I am Jewish and I agree with the comment about it working in reverse. Our tradition of questioning everything, not taking ourselves too seriously, and being open to changing our minds may be part of it. We are also used to being outsiders, and it seems you have positioned yourself as an outsider as well. Being an outsider is not necessarily a negative thing: it leads to more independent thought and behaviour.
Great point about the outsider angle. Thank you. — Derek

Can I venture a guess? Its probably the same reason why Jews make 0.2% of world population but are 22% of all Nobel laureates. Their self identity creates drive.

Crudely: superior complex + inferior or minority situations = hunger and drive. "I can be and should be better than this."

Its this inherent quality of curiosity and drive that is resonating with you.

hey derek + everyone else. a lot of my friends are jewish as well! it probably doesn't help that i was raised in Connecticut(not too far from infamous Greenwich), go to school in Boston, and am wrapping up a 6 month stint in LA, but still, i've got a lot of jewish friends.

i love meeting people from all different walks of life and pestering them with questions to momentarily satisfy my never-ending curiosity, but i get along well with jews especially.

my thesis: jews are quite resilient(due to their history), can laugh at themselves(at least my jewish friends can), and have values centered around discussion and community(two things i've learned to value very very deeply). i've noticed my closest jewish friends aren't very religious or always practicing, but more jewish in their attitude, if that even makes sense.

i'm from a hindu family, and though i don't practice hindu rituals, my dad says "hindus and jews just get along". maybe there's something there. i don't know.

nice piece. keep it up. :)

This is an odd answer. As a Jewish person, I've always found it difficult to make close relationships with other Jewish people. I have a few Jewish friends, but most of my friends, especially the close ones, aren't Jewish. I wonder if other Jewish people that you're close with have this feeling of being somewhat outside their supposedly close-knit communities and are thus ready to bond more deeply with people they can connect with.

Same here

Dear Derek!!
I am waiting in line to pick up a package. Very slowwww line, but so great to read your post here!
I have always found you extremely intelligent and in motion in life to find answers. This is a beautiful thing! Jewish people are so highly intelligent. Have you ever noticed how many achieve the Nobel prize! Jewish heritage runs deep. God's chosen. Small but mighty.
History and its unfolding are all wrapped up in this culture.
So much to say, but great thoughts!!
Rachel

Maybe it's something, or maybe it's just statistics. If 8 billion people toss a coin 20 times each, at least a few of them are likely to get all heads or tails.

Great question. When I lived in the UK from 1950-82 I had very few Jewish friends. Those I had were all from my boarding school days, there were none in remote Devon. At school we were encouraged to ignore racial/cultural differences in a positive way, such that although I can identify many friends of a Jewish faith, that category had no real significance, except to say my Jewish friends were uniformly smart, funny, wealthy and incredibly generous. They also all had wonderful dwellings and shared their fortunes widely.
One anecdote will suffice - we were all fans of Eric Clapton and Cream, and were given tickets to a prestigious box at the Royal Albert Hall London. A group of 8 friends travelled by train 2 hours and had the experience of our lives thanks to the generosity of our friend.
Nothing was asked in return.
Now after 42 years in Australia a different picture of the diaspora emerges. Again, we treasure our multicultural society and welcome all comers. There is a different emphasis on culture here - 99% of us are foreigners in some way, yet by and large we seem to respect each other's faith and practices, possibly because we are more open about it. Fewer secret meetings in closed rooms.
What matters is not what religion or faith you are so much as how you are as a human being.
As my good friend wrote "we are are a nation of refugees and this good land has been our saviour - Allelulia" (which itself is a variation of 'Allah be praised'). Go figure..

nerdy and neurotic.

There is your answer.

I’m Jewish, by heritage not religion. My wife is Muslim. My brother is Christian. I had to stop and think for a minute after reading your post. I have no Jewish friends and have never had any. Never even thought about this in my 65 years.

I admire many Jewish people from afar: authors, scientists, musicians, and other accomplished people. Admittedly, they make me a bit proud of my heritage. But in spite of knowing many Jews in my communities I never had a single Jewish friend over the decades.

Your post made me stop and wonder why.

Love short discussions! This one grabbed me because I have wondered that for a long time in myself. If you find an answer, I am all ears✌️

Hi Derek! I’m a recent convert to Judaism. And by recent I mean my admission ceremony was last night! My Beit Din (a viva-like interview with three rabbis) and Mikveh (ritual bath) were earlier this week. So! It is with SUPREME arrogance that I say “you’re honorary of the tribe.” Haha! So I guess you could say I’m attracted to Jewish culture too and I’ve thought a lot about why that might be. The conversion process kinda demands it. All I’m saying is: Just convert like I did, Derek! It’s a blast.

Hello Derek,

I find good in all nationalities,and races.

I also find prejudice in all nationalities and races.

I am glad you found good solid friends.

i lived in DC for a while. I found good jewish people
and selfish jewish people...

But arent we all selfish?...

Hi Derek, this article and the one on contradictions was interesting.

I read your notes on the book that was referenced and I noticed that some eastern philosophy is the opposite of western philosophy.

Instead of laws, there’s a focus on staying within boundaries of the lord’s command and controlling the fires within us to a reasonable level, like ego, anger, lust, material attachment, and emotional attachment.

Also good and evil are recognized to be determined by culture constructs.

And from what I’ve heard, you are judged for what you think, what you say, and what you do.

Met a jewish guy after a meeting we exchanged cards he goes to the bathroom comes out and says I am not on his Linkedin contacts. He then goes into a dissertation on education sales and contracts he's gotten and his wife and 6 children. He was not that interested in doing business with me and quickly faded into the scene. He was clearly about money and how to make it so if you didn't fit his profile end of discussion. Perhaps you fit the profile.

Hi Derek,

So this is a bit long, but I think you'll find it interesting. Like you, many of my closest friends are, or have been, Jewish. And even though to my knowledge--or any of my relatives' knowledge--I had no Jewish ancestry, my connection was so instantaneous and strong to these Jewish friends that I often wondered if somewhere in my ancestry Jews were hiding…so to speak. Which is exactly what I discovered through a DNA test: I shared DNA with people reporting full Ashkenazi ancestry.

As to who these distant relatives were, while the ones I can trace are predominantly from Central and Eastern Europe, I know little about them. I have some hints, some ideas… but I’ve yet to discover the exact branch—or branches—of my family tree the Ashkenazi came from. Because of my deep Jewish friendships, learning of my Ashkenazi ancestry made perfect sense to me, especially because of the way I came to getting a DNA test to begin with.

Which leads to this next story, which is a pretty good one. I hadn’t really considered the notion of getting DNA test until early one morning in 2012, I received a phone call from Henry Louis Gates Jr. Yes, that guy. I actually didn't know who he was then—I seldom watched TV and hadn’t heard about “Finding Your Roots.” It wasn’t until Professor Gates mentioned he was the one who had the beer summit in the Rose Garden with President Obama that I got it. I knew that story well. Okay. Great. But why was a very famous person was calling me at 8:30 in the morning? So I asked.

Professor Gates explained that he was calling to let me know that it was possible my white, 3x-great uncle who had lived in Cumberland, Maryland, was his 2x-great grandfather! Which of course stunned me. He told me he’d been searching for this ancestor of his for many years, and then he asked if would I consent to getting a DNA test? I agreed to do it. As it turned out, the test ruled out that particular ancestor of mine. But the geneticist doing the work wrote to tell me that autosomal DNA indicated there could be another match amongst the many male members of my family, but on the branch which held my 3x-great grandmother, also from Cumberland. The exciting news is that this missing ancestor of Skips—we were on first name basis by this time—has been found. Skip himself doesn’t even know who the man is at this point, but all will be revealed in the new season of Finding Your Roots which begins airing in January. And yes, I’m very much looking forward to that. Do I think it could be one of my ancestors? I’ve no idea. But as my potential cousin Skip himself wrote to me, we’re all related somewhere back there, Maggie.

And while we've never met in person, Derek, I have felt a connection since we first started to communicate via email in 2008, when you suggested I should sign up to Just Plain Foks, and submit some of my CDs to Just Plain Folks. And then you told me, don't worry about it, I'll submit then. And you did. And I ended up placing 6th out of 5000 entries in the Celtic Instrumental category, and was invited to showcase at the awards ceremony in Nashville. Which we did. Thanks to you! So, thank you again for that nudge.

Peace and love,

Maggie
Wow! Wild! Thanks for posting this, Maggie. — Derek

Hey Derek. This is interesting.

#1 Are you Jewish? If yes, there may be blood line ties. Have you done any of those genetic tests?
#2 I wonder if there's something in your natal birth chart that aligns with Israel and that country's natal birth chart. There may be a connection. Contact me if you want to check this out. (Yes, I'm talking astrology).
p.s. I chose to check this post because of my Jewish heritage, even though I'm a very non-traditional Jew who celebrates Christmas too - with a Star of David on the tree top.

Wishing you joyful holidaze,
Trudy

I've found that there is nothing quite like believing something most of your life only to learn that you were dead wrong. I, too, hated being that wrong, but as someone wise once declared, "The truth will set you free". An orthodox Jewish rabbi recently became appalled about how wrong he was after teaching in Israel for more than 50 years. He nearly died in a car accident and had a near death experience that changed his mind. However, the best of warnings often go unheeded, such as the Navy radio operator who warned his superiors in 1941 that unidentified planes were heading for Pearl Harbor. The officer told him not to worry about it, they were probably B-17's, now go to breakfast. Please send this link to your Jewish friends before they "go to breakfast". Thanks!

youtu.be/h0i97nOA28M

How interesting is this Derek? I gave it some thought as to how it relates to my personal life, and the majority of my best girlfriends are non Jewish. Go figure. It's what's in the soul that attracts me. Blessings this holiday season Derek!

Hi Derek,
I lived in Israel in my childhood for 2 years. Now in Spain.
My hypothesis is that there is a shared taste in ideas?

I think you would like this Canadian blogger :

danfrank.ca/extreme-jewish-brain-a-reflection-on-why-judaism-means-so-much-to-me/

Hi Derek,
I've shared your fascination with Jewish people for many years now. I am drawn to the fact that, as a community, they are among the most successful groups in the world by many measures despite facing numerous obstacles throughout history.

While I strive to avoid stereotypes, I've noticed that the Jewish individuals I have met tend to be well-educated, intelligent, and thoughtful, which I find appealing. I suppose I am simply drawn to anyone who places a high value on education.

I could go on and on about the positive traits this group possesses that I find so attractive, but I want to keep this post brief. If anyone is interested, I can recommend a great book called "The Jewish Phenomenon" by Steven Silbiger.

My hypothesis has to do with two major components: an appreciation for intellectual and pure wonder calisthenics, and the need to think our way out of sordid circumstances after eons of persecution (present leaders in Israel are the disastrous anomalies). You have an inclination for philosophy and the ability/passion to tap your mind as a perpetual problem solving mechanism. Shalom!

I find that most of my friends are Jewish too.

I find that Jewish people tend to be intense and
easy to relate to.

I think there may be something too about having a
cultural history with major trauma.

I found out in my 50's that I have 3 Native American tribes
in my genetic history--a fact my family did not want to admit.

Daniel made this point so I'm seconding it: they are an outsider culture, used to not fitting in completely. I'm from a mixed background (father was a child refugee) and moved around as a kid, including internationally, never really fit in anywhere exactly, and, I think as a result, a large % of my close friends are Jewish (including my wife who is half).

They are also a culture that, by and large, respects reading and thinking quite a bit. Harvard had to essentially change their admissions criteria to keep Jewish people OUT since they were so successful academically (as Gladwell writes about). You like thinking a alot, being rational, changing your mind, so there's a good match there.

Also, to the extent that you have fun arguing, well there's that too :)

I find myself nodding along with Harry's take (below). There's something captivating about your unvarnished perspective on the world. I can listen to you for hours, finding moments of self-reflection in your words. They're not always profound revelations, but there's a magnetic honesty in how you think things through, clearly without agenda. I hadn't connected this attraction to your voice and ideas with my Jewish heritage, but now I see that thread clearly.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Fascinating! I haven't read “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Judaism,” but I think you might appreciate this book “You” by Pnei Hashem:

www.amazon.com/dp/1495822095

"Readers might think You is intended for Jewish audiences alone, but its messages are much broader than that. They offer insights to all thinking readers who look for books that reveal largely unknown secrets to understanding life." - Midwest Book Review

Thanks for these posts, Derek. I've said it before and I'll say it again. You don't merely think outside the box…you don't have a box.

Must be the shared tendency towards mental illness. ;)

www.emilkirkegaard.com/p/a-theory-of-ashkenazi-genius-intelligence

Dear Derek hi,
I am Jewish and I am from Tel aviv,my reply is sort and sharp,we jews have more answers than questions, we know nothing but we know more than others,we have invented things that matter and we are the chosen ones, chosen to suffer,which happened to be the best teacher in life. This might be one of the reasons you like us and not knowing why. Carry on your out standing work.

I am a Palestinian who grew up in NYC -- many of my best friends were and are Jewish. I have long urged my Jewish friends to reclaim their traditions and culture from the disastrous and unsustainable political ideology of Zionism, especially urgently in the past year as the world bears witness to their accelerated genocidal behavior. Seeing as I have the impression that you are a lover of peace and justice, and given your closeness to Jews and Jewish culture, I wonder what your relationship is to Zionist ideology then Derek?

Long-time fan and, yep, Jewish and agree with the comments above that suggest... outsiders...
While I'm wary of generalizing, this is also a tradition where questioning authority is in the wiring.
I suspect that's one of the reasons I'm a fan of your work and your words. You ask big questions. You take big swings. And you revel in changing your mind.
The commentary you did on wanting to lose arguments... So Jewish. If you get a Jewish education you don't just learn the Torah - you learn the interpretations and debates around pretty much everything in it.
The phrase that comes to mind - and I've always thought it was just a joke, but apparently there's a fascinating philosophy behind it - "two Jews, three opinions."
Thanks, as always, for doing what you do.

Very interesting post. It's a mystery I've wondered about with friends in my life. Why are there some people you meet and instantly "click" with? While others you can clash with? I have friends that I knew within seconds or minutes of meeting them that we would be long time friends and it turned out to be true. How does that happen?

Very interesting. I think it's because of your personality? So you have a good relationship with the Jewish. I like Jews. I used to have a friend who I thought looked Jewish. I come from Shanghai. I am Chinese. He is Chinese. But how to say it? Although he is Chinese, his temperament is very Jewish. So is this fate or the relationship between people?

Nice article :) There is always an opportunity for cooperation in a chaotic, mixed game system (society). I suspect (source: trust me bro) we have an instinct for building cooperation, which lets us avoid direct competition and grow as a group. I have felt the same way about Mormons in California!

Hi there Derek,

This post made me stop and think for a little longer, why do I consider my best friends as such.

I can see your point in this article but, it also made me consider things from an other angle.

Firstly, I guess, a distinction has to be made between “best friends in good times” and "best friends in bad times”. In my opinion, anybody could be (or appear to be) a “best friend” in good times, but what about the bad times?

I believe, a best friend will only be apparent when the bad times hit.

In my case, if I ever loose everything I have and end up homeless; I know who are the people who will help me in everything they can. Those are the people I consider best friends. And from my part, I will do everything I can to help them too in good and bad times.

One of my best friends is a Muslim, another one is a Christian, another one is Jewish, and one of them is an atheist.

Since all my best friends have different faiths, we disagree on certain things concerning life. Nevertheless, we have shown each other (in several occasions) what the value of true friendship (in bad times) is about, and that’s why we are best friends. (Talking about sacrifice).

Sadly, given that nobody’s perfect, a “best friend” today could be an “unfriend” tomorrow. And it is in the bad times that we will come to know who truly our best friends are. That’s why we have to have (certain) appreciation for “the bad times”.

I guess I understand what you mean with “that extra click” when referring to “best friends” but, that “click” (in good times) only means the great feeling you get from communicating with that “best friend”.

So, in my humble opinion, the expression "best friend” only gets a true value when it is used in the day of trouble.

Having said that, a person can have only one best friend, while at the same time being a “best friend” to many people. Because, if a person makes sacrifices for anybody, he’s doing what a best friend should do, and thus, he’s being a "best friend" to that person.

An interesting post. Thanks for sharing.
R.R.

Of my close friends, only one is Jewish (to my knowledge). He, however, is the person I have had the most profound, deepest conversations with. I barely know anything about his personal life even though we’ve known each other twenty years. We mostly skip small talk and get straight into interesting discussions, even when we haven’t spoken in over a year or two.

Derek, your post also makes me wonder why I click so well with certain people. The questions you pose are great food for thought. Thanks for writing this!
(Also, Maggie's story is amazing.)

Hi Derek,

This is interesting! You've probably got Jewish ancestry somewhere in your tree if you go back far enough.

My mom is Jewish, completely—we're from Belarus, mostly. (My dad's family is Irish-Catholic, French, and a little bit of German.)

A good illustration of what might be at play in your question here is the example of Josh Waitzkin (I just watched Searching for Bobby Fischer last week, with an old friend, who is also Jewish, and a good example of this dynamic).

Josh's childhood story is quite close, in many ways, to that of John Von Neumann, another Jew (the Jewish emigrants of pre-WWII Hungary who ended up at Princeton and elsewhere were known as "Martians" for their preternatural, wizard-like facility with natural sciences. Feynman, obviously, is another example. James Gleick's biography Genius, very much worth a read, illustrates this in some detail.)

All of these people have a few things in common: a strong domestic home life early on, coupled with a very intensive intellectual (and in Waitzkin's case, later on, martial) spirit of inquiry. This is, not coincidentally, a similar environment to the educational philosophy advanced (indeed designed) by the Polgár family, also Hungarian Jewish chess-players. It sounds a bit like your philosophy on parenting, as well.

One commonality is that these kids all got intense intellectual stimulation coupled with a strong home life in their early years (Feynman a little less so on the homey element; instead, he became known for fixing radios and earning some money around Coney Island. A more entrepreneurial mid-century US bent). In other words, they got love and attention and learned that they could be good at something; very good, in fact. They built efficacy inside of a strong home environment at a young age.

Because Jews are known for being wanderers (we've ended up in Ethiopia, Mexico, South America, and elswhere, and assimilated all of those places) we tend to be good at a historically-deeper version of Digital Nomadism. There's a faint (at minimum) understanding somewhere in the family history that "we do this sort of thing" and it provides a level of psychological comfort and strength that lends itself to a good nest; a form of "recognition." As a result, there's a strong chance for kids to gain positive psychological and intellectual experiences early. We know unambiguously from the literature that that's an enormous reserve of strength and resilience all throughout life.

The result is often someone who can have a LOT of fun indulging curiosity, even when life is hard. That produces somebody with resilience, humor, humility, tenderness, compassion, and strength and is a good fit for long-term friendships. The resulting inner efficacy frees that person to be vulnerable and non-"financialized" in relationships; they have a strong sense of self, so they are free to give to others (and can bear receiving intimacy) because they don't need to "modulate" their state by relying on others in a co-dependent way. They make a good friend. Not everybody who is Jewish is like this, of course, but trends in Jewish life produce this kind of person, under good circumstances. Non-Jews, obviously, benefit from the same dynamic.

Also, the Talmudic tradition of inquiry is quite similar (in its effectiveness) to something like the "5 Whys" of business, except that we aren't especially attached to finding a permanent, fixed, and terminal answer; we just enjoy asking questions. This works well in relationships and in life: you never find out anything interesting if you don't ask a question first. The fact that every line of honest questioning ever ends with "well, in fact, nobody really knows" makes us a good fit for life on life's terms.

Babka, too, makes an excellent host gift.

If you want to adapt well in a country of Christianity (I know United States do not claim this, but it is), you need to learn the Christianity mindset. But if you dig deeper, it’s actually Jewish mindset. No wonder Jews tend to thrive in U.S. right?

But Jewish mindset is not the fundamental thinking if you really want to understand humanity as a whole. There are even deeper mindset out there.

Hi Derek,

It’s like saying you love certain books because of the font they’re printed in.

I grew up in the suburbs of Paris, where my school was a mix of people from diverse backgrounds—Europeans, Africans, Asians, Jews, and others. What mattered wasn’t our ethnic or cultural origins, but the fact that we shared the same environment, experiences, and challenges growing up in a working-class neighborhood. Those shared circumstances created deep bonds and connections that transcended ethnicity.

Later, when I moved to Paris, the ethnic makeup of my social circles shifted, but the connections I made were still rooted in shared values, mindsets, and life experiences, not in cultural backgrounds.

I think the connections you’re referring to aren’t about ethnic or cultural identity but rather about shared social class or circumstances. The people you’ve bonded with just happen to be Jewish, but that’s more coincidental than causal. After all, Jewish people are present across all classes and cultures, which may explain why they’ve crossed paths with you in such meaningful ways.
Nice metaphor! I agree. — Derek

I feel very similar about eastern europeans. My heritage is that of the Transsilvanian Saxons. They were German emigrates who moved from (prehistoric) Germany to the fertile lands of Hungary/Romania as early as the 1100s. At the end of the war in 1944 they became enemies of the state and had to flee back to Germany, Austria, many went to the US.

I grew up in Germany but I always felt a bit odd and out. But with eastern europeans (Poles, Ukranians, Russians, Hungarians, Croatians etc.) I always feel an immediate bond. Sometimes I meet someone I like a little bit too much and I'll be like "are you from the east" and the answer is always yes.

I haven't met that many jews but I feel like there is a similar bond. That of a certain macro-homelessness, some good chutzpa, good humor (and real humor is always gallows humor) and an absurd mix of non-seriousness and super-seriousness. Plus, eastern europe was full of jews so idk what's in my blood.

Btw, is your heritage jewish at all?

you should ask a rabbi they git great concept from that kind of angle which might make you "understand" some aspects.

but there are trible aapects maybe in the Jewish thats you feel comfortable with and ao they are with you.


but i can see what you mean.
maybe it is the questioning if evetythung plus if you are a good person

which is you di cine a cross that might be something to resonate with

but thw click does exist

i can tell you from just listing or reading your stuff there is something in how you are ( yes im a jew boy as well lol)

If you want some answers to this question, ask 2 Jews... you'll get at least 3 answers

(and yes, I could give at least 2)
I love this joke and almost included it in the original post. The variation I heard in Argentina was “a town with two jews will have three synagogues” and “oh you agree with me? well then here’s a different answer.” — Derek

Two fun theories for you Derek:

1. Jewish culture is deeply sapiosexual which vibes well with you. I'm reminded of a friend who mentioned going to a Jewish holiday, and there was a wine bottle that required solving a puzzle to open it. Once he figured out the puzzle he was the top dude for the day.
2. Socionics might explain this quite well - if you aren't aware, its a Soviet era take on Jungian archetypes which focuses less on the individual and more on how combination of types will predictably struggle. A big part of the theory is "quadras" which are four personalities that fit together perfectly. I've noticed most of my jewish friends seem to be in the Alpha Quadra, which prioritizes curiosity and good vibes and intelligence.

I hope it's okay to share a link, but Rick Glassman spoke to the exact same feeling that I share with you. My high school girlfriend, whom I was together with for almost three years at the time is Jewish. I never understood the comfort, or ease that I felt in their home. I was so welcomed, and the communication was on another level. The family resolved their issues, came back together, and it felt so emotionally safe. That was 20 or more years ago now, and I still think about that. It finally clicked after watching this segment on Soul Boom, where Rick explains the directness and the likely type of person that comes from a Jewish cultural experience. youtu.be/5hRycPqF-Tc?t=663

I wish I knew.

The ancestry results my father exultantly shares with us once every few years, in plain terms, states: You are white.

All my favorite authors are Jewish, I read the Talmud for fun.

I married a Hispanic-Swedish American woman and we just seemed to "get each other" from day 1. Now 12 years in.

After our third year of marriage, we discovered her "Mexican" father was in fact the son of a Jewish refugee from Germany circa 1930s.

Go figure.

Jewish people are the most intelligent, interesting, out-of-the-box thinkers, ready to jump into anybody's soul, the oldest wanderers of the world, multifaceted, colorful, innovative, and talented people. They make the best talking partner.

So interest 'echos' so given the UAE attachment, have you tried;

Yahiya Emerick's book,
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Islam (The Complete Idiot's Guide)

... as always, be safe have fun, The Other Tim

You have said different times that you are attracted by successful people and in the US, speaking in general, Jewish people are more successful and influential than any other ethnic group, especially in the Show Business ( movies, music, any kind of entertainment show on TV ) , Mass Media Mainstream, Finance and Politics, and apart Israel, which is obvious, the greatest concentration of successful Jewish people in the world is in New York and Los Angeles, hence, as a logical consequence, it isn't a weird coincidence at all!!

All The Best!

Fabrice, greeting from Italy

PS in Italy , they are only 0,05% of the total population but they are very powerful and influential, unbelievable....!!

Jews have more high IQ people than any other ethnicity. High IQ people prefer the company of other high IQ people.
That's not true. — Derek

Funny thread. Having been born Jewish, but turned off by the religion, I've contemplated the same question. I feel most comfortable in a group of New York-y Jews who joke around, talk all at once, and interrupt each other. My second cousin and i agreed: it's our magnificent sense of humor and joie de vivre :^)

But seriously, after ten years in a great writing group made up half Jews and half Catholics, it's that Jews, maybe especially non-practicing ones, have a much more open mind about everything than those raised in mainstream religion. Fairly often when someone has written a book with new analysis and thinking, they're from a Jewish background. Same with new developments in many areas, movies, theater, science, on and on. I'm guessing we just may be more unhindered by conventional POVs. Well, that's my two bits. I fit the definition, I am a-typical in everything and skew all results. :^)

It seems that you're drawn to people with particular traits: ppl who are open-minded, knowledgeble, witty, goal-oriented, creative. People who are curious to know the origin of a word 'ketchup' :)

How about making a small experiment. Finding ppl with those traits who are not Jewish and check if you 'vibe' together.

Have you explored yr ancestry? It's possible someone way back converted from Judaism. I have relatives who have no knowledge of their Jewish roots

I’ve read a couple books about Judaism that I found to be helpful on the question.

One is “As a Jew.” It describes what it means to be Jewish in a time of quickening societal change and rising antisemitism. What I learned about it is the importance of the tradition of studying and discussion, and the independent mindedness that seems to be part of it. What results is a kind of “self-ghettoization” that amplifies discussion and community – at least historically.

Also “Pogrom: Kishinev and the Tilt of History.” This is about how a pogrom basically gave rise to modern socialist Zionism. It was a fascinating read and spoke to this ever-emerging problem of Judaism to reinvent itself as a chronic, oppressed minority. So perhaps there's something about Judaism and a constant need to reinvent itself as it is always vulnerable everywhere in the world since the fall of the temple in Jerusalem in 70 CE. Perhaps not so much after 1947 – debatable.

I’m not sure I read this but I think I did: "The Chosen Few: How Education Shaped Jewish History, 70-1492." What was interesting about that after 70 CE rabbis required that their Jewish brethren be literate. This made Jewish society cultivate its talent pool. Because discussion/study was basically the equivalent of prayer, Judaism sidestepped the pitfalls of many educational institutions of one size fits all. So you had two benefits: literacy and divergent thinking.

Interesting question. But I do like answer #2, the one about the Kishinev Pogrom. Shine on, Derek.

Interesting. I have a similar experience. I live on an island, West Coast of Canada, and have a handful of Jewish friends. Not a concern, but I have wondered why.
Yet, there are more Mormons in the world than Jews. 16.5 M v. 15 M. I have met very few Mormons, although I have met and worked with some.
I grew up in Ireland, and family lore suggests that around the great great grandfather level, he may have been Jewish. There are Jewish silversmiths named Lewis in Ireland today.
I too have been referred to as "a member of the tribe" (there was a comment about my nose) - and I do not have anything in common with some of my Jewish friends/acquaintances.
I did enjoy "Thou Shall Prosper" by David Lavin.
PS: Your book list is appreciated. Thanks

Hi Derek,

I just came upon a video clip and am looking at your website. The video was interesting about not believing what others have told you and go back to your earliest childhood memories to when you felt excited about something. I am not religious anymore, but absolutely am in love with Jesus who is non biased, yes, but I happen to know that He is the God of all creation. Every sentence worth its value can easily become a book, as you may know.

About the question as to why people you like and click with are Jewish, I do not at all wish to water down the true significance of that question or answer. I am a Jew, or an Israelite as I am not sure which tribe I may have come from, as many are mixed with several tribes in their bloodlines through time. I carry the name, but have always been told that we here are gentiles since we are not living in Israel. This is the farthest from the truth, as in my opinion after a bit of research, my conclusion is that European countries and beyond have been merged by the scattered tribes. In my studies of several articles I was enlightened by the fact that I was not what I was branded to be. It opened my eyes to the reality of who I really was, and then of course, who I was not. So, for me it was significant and life changing for me to know in addition to my personal discovery that there are many of us who are carrying those bloodlines in us who may not, no, do not realize it. I shared with a friend who encouraged me to read the book by J. H. Allen, Judah’s Sceptre and Joseph’s Birthright.
Anyway, my point, if there really is one, is that not only are we Israel spiritually, but physically also, and many people don’t even know. Some are more obvious and have the words to express that they have someone somewhere who has these connections, and some simply believe they know who they really are when they don’t. Not that there’s a choice.
My father’s family, great grandfather and his family were encouraged to live in the German settlements of Russia. Many from there went to Kansas City, KS and the others went up to Estonia. There are less than 1,000 Kreisman’s noted in existence today.
I also will go out on a limb and say Jewish people are victims and suspects throughout the world. That sentence alone can write many books.
I do not wish to sound like a know all at all, or even to finalize my opinions in stone, and I can appreciate the openness you have in your exploration of humanity. I am not trying to say that you connect with people who have Jewish blood, because there’s so many of them who are Jews and the ones you connect with know they are, but it is a thought to ponder. Jewish people were scattered by God’s hand, and they have had to learn to survive. Some survived through the pressures of hostilities of their bondages by Babylon and Assyria. Some were given opportunity to go back (Judah, Benjamin, Levi), the others had to take their opportunity of escape even further from their beginnings where they came into the lands their tribes would make up the nations with. Further northwest and to the isles, along with a scarlet thread of Judah.
GI believe that the genes and philosophies of these peoples were of the highest value in these lands. Imagine the amount of people trekking together through the lands finding their way as a whole where innovation is upfront in mass, rather than the scrambling of trying to survive with only a few people who may only merely have the unction to continue on step by step to survive and hope the family name carries on. No, the tribes were many and with such they became the best in every area of life.
When we are looking to improve our lives, in our ascension, we would indeed connect with such a people, deep people, who for years had known the true God of Moses and today still hold to the physical temple with adoration in their hearts. Would they have known Christ was come to bring the promise of the kingdom of God and in addition that it would be needful to tear down the temple to make them see, that they ARE temple of God, they would not have killed Him, but it was needful for Him to become the Lamb of God to die once for all that we may enter as the one priest did yearly into the holiest of holies so we all can know Him and have a relationship with the Father. And when He comes in Isaiah 53, He shall be called the mighty God, everlasting Father, wonder Counselor, Prince of Peace. The government shall be upon His shoulders. This government of God is going to come forth, and all will know Him from the least to the greatest. And so many still wait for the coming Messiah. They will realize that it is the Christ whom was crucified, where when they said let His blood be upon us and our children (a prophecy by the high priest), that they will understand the horrible things they had to endure to come back around as the children of Israel did in the wilderness prior to entering the promise land. Only this time Christ comes not with sin (for sins of the world, as that already happened and people are already reconciled and need the veil taken off of their eyes to see that), but He will come in all His glory! And He has a people, chosen few, gideons, from every age that will come forth with Him (Head and Body) to set creation free! Isn’t it beautiful! All by God’s design. All will know Him, ALL.
May God bless you and thank you for your invite to comment.

I’m not Jewish as far as I know. But I have definitely clicked with Jewish people.

The same with European people.

I’m certain that’s not by accident.

Most Jewish people I’ve known have European roots. Parents or grandparents.

My parents were European immigrants. I was born two years after they emigrated.

Though I grew up in North America, I’ve always joked that I actually grew up in Europe. But it’s true. That was the culture of our home. The same sort of culture most the Europeans and Jewish people I’ve known or met have shared.

A love of family and close friends. Great discussions over long, leisurely, good meals. Thinking. Analyzing. Reading. Books. Quotations. Poetry. Writing. Learning. Museums. Art. Beauty. Music. Laughter. An appreciation of master craftsmanship in everything from coffee to architecture. Gardens. Nature. And more.

In a word, they live richly. Even if they are not rich financially. They are renaissance people. Vital and stimulating, with questing minds.

They enjoy life to the full.

Here’s an example of a renaissance European I on e knew. He was an older European man who had been a university professor until he retired. He had also acted in movies on the side, and was then and afterward deeply involved in his church and in community affairs. In his 80’s he still skied constantly in high mountains in winter, hiked in the summer and had a business going on the side. He kept a piano in his home office. There he alternated between working at his desk and playing the piano—which he did beautifully. He was so alive, he almost crackled with electricity and joy!

Whenever I am in Europe, I feel profoundly at home among the rich-living people there like the ones I grew up with and have described here.

Well Derek, there's a famous essay by a guy who picks his friends from a quiet minority who secretly recognize each other. I think he meant friends who are independent of the orthodox thinking of their day. Like actors and artists. You know, how Shakespeare's pals could satire folks being ant-Jewish in his play Merchant of Venice, and like how Hollywood folks in the 1950's could be friends with homosexuals.

I think some people, with regular strict fathers, no "backtalk" allowed, lead lives of strict thinking. I suppose it's nice and comfortable to default to what one's society thinks, although if one believes everything one's peers do, 100%, one might want to think about such a coincidence.

For some folks, "traveling" to university is their first chance for mental freedom. Here is a Mark Twain quote, and a quote of a Jewish lady answering me on her blog.

"Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime." — Mark Twain Quotes About Travel

Penelope Trunk
May 17, 2026 at 10:29 am
I think “backtalk” might be a Jewish thing. But we call it debate. Debate is so fundamental to Jewish parenting that the Passover seder has backtalk baked into it — it’s a way to learn.